Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Humph! Day

Sparing you all the sorted details, Joe and I have had a huge disagreement with his mother. It has taken almost two weeks for him to work up an apology. I am still working on it. It has proven quite difficult because, frankly, I don't know what to apologize for. She did something so wrong and socially unacceptable and after a few failed attempts to ignore it and then asking her to stop, I finally gave in to the anger boiling within me. So, I cannot apologize for giving in. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. If you are asked to stop a conversation and change the subject and you choose not to, you should realize and accept the wrath that follows. Not change the facts around to make the other person look more guilty than you.
We have spoken to our pastor, listened to other clergy, and sought the advice from other religious people. They have all said the same thing. We need to forgive her, set boundaries and move on. (Humph...easier said than done!) I know that if I do this, she will bring it up every time I see her. It will always be a fight ready to be fought. Maybe this is where the boundaries come in. But at this point, the problem isn't just with her. It's with other members of the family as well. Instead of seeing what she did as the instigating factor, they see me as the *itch that disrespected their matriarch.
To complicate matters even more, my children were to spend a week with her this month. Joe and I were going to spend our 17th wedding anniversary child-free. I'm having a hard time sending them. What she did affects them. Her judgment has come into question. Plus, I worry about what they will overhear her say about me. Joe and I discussed this and decided to play it by ear. Maybe the kids wouldn't go. Maybe they would go under his supervision. Or, maybe they would go, as planned, by themselves...if we could come to an understanding with her.
However, last night, Joe read me the apology he had sent her. I couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. He brought up the visit and told her when we would be bringing them and picking them back up! ( much for being on the same page.)
Hours later, at a swim meet, Joe was talking with a friend about any upcoming trips we had planned. He mentioned the visit the kids will be taking to visit his mom. Porter, who was standing with him said, "Oh, does Mom know?" (Humph...seems my 8 year old knows me better than the man I've known for 22 years!)

No comments: